How Much Is a Pint of Milk?
By Jeff Dawson
He painted the floor red in Reservoir Dogs. He went mad as a dog in Rob Roy. And he even sang for his supper in Everyone Says I Love You. But can Tim Roth predict the pennyage for his pinta?
Have you ever stabbed anybody?
No. I've been in the presence of it, but no.
Do you ever sing in the bath tub?
I try not to. I don't have a musical bone in my body.
You do all right in Everyone Says I Love You.
Carry a tune, I think, is what they say.
Do you eat British beef?
No, I'm mad enough as it is.
Why do men have nipples?
It's perplexing. I've got a new baby and I wish they functioned.
When was the last time you were naked in the open air?
My God. Oooh, I had sex in a park when I was in art school. A little private garden in Dulwich. I got naked and it was great.
Ever urinated in a public swimming pool?
Yes. It's a thing you take great pleasure in when you're a kid.
How much is a pint of milk?
Over here? Too fucking much. You don't buy it in pints and I certainly don't buy them in my house so I couldn't say.
What's the best piece of gossip you've ever heard about yourself?
That I was investing in a bar in New York. I knew the guy who owned the bar. He asked me if I wanted to get in on it and I said, "Well, it's not really my thing," and left it at that. Then it kept being in the press that I was opening a bar with this guy. I went back to him and said, "What the fuck are you doing?" and he said, "Hey, it's publicity".
Have you ever trashed a hotel room?
Yes, and purely by accident. I got drunk and ate oysters in Paris and spewed everywhere. The people who came in to clean the next day just stood there and laughed at me.
What's the most you've ever spent on shoes?
These, probably. (Hoists his leg to reveal a black leather biker boot) They cost me about two hundred bucks and have lasted me about four years. Still going strong.
Got any pets?
I have a cat who's deaf and is very, very loud and looks like Edward G. Robinson. It's actually my wife's cat. He's a real cantankerous old sod and I like him.
Have you ever surfed the Net?
Yes, it's fascinating. First of all, you don't get newspapers over here that resemble a real newspaper, except for The New York Times, possibly, so I go on and spend hours reading international newspapers and stuff, and the chat rooms are really hilarious.
Do you never, say, peak at a lesbian chat line?
What, and I go in under cover? Oh yeah, I do that. You know, masquerading as a bald dyke from Texas.
What's your favorite hangover cure?
Drinks. Alcohol. It always works.
First thing in the morning?
It has been known.
What's your favorite Carry On film?
It would have to be the earlier ones. Probably Carry On Up the Khyber. Kenneth Williams was a fucking genius. Anything he was involved in was always watchable.
What phrase do you most overuse?
I don't know: "I don't know".
Have you ever been arrested?
Yes I got arrested once for threatening behaviour, but actually I didn't threaten anybody, it was the guy I was with. I was framed. But we all got arrested. He got charged and we got let go.
Where was this?
Just off Trafalgar Square and we got taken to a police station just off Downing Street. They kept us in a cell and let us out at about three in the morning.
Did the Daleks scare you as a kid?
Yeah, but not as much as the Yetis. They were killer.
Who was the best Dr. Who?
I suppose John Pertwee. I always liked it when they changed over. I always thought those episodes were the best.
Can you remember the sidekicks? The women?
Peter Purves was one, wasn't he?
He was a bit of a woman.
Wasn't there one called Sally? Wasn't Sally James one?
Speaking of whom, Swap Shop or Tiswas?
Tiswas. I actually got to do a show with David Rappaport, who was one of the main guys. I can't remember the name of it but we were smoking a lot of weed. It was banned from BBC2.
Were you a Blue Peter or a Magpie kid?
More of a Blue Peter I think, because of elephants crapping everywhere and stuff. It was a little less slick and I think that's why I liked it. Magpie was a little too groovy.
What's the worst smell in the world?
I was in Ethiopia and we were filming on a river, a tributary of the Red Sea, Massawa, horrible place, full of refugees. Where we were was a little rocky inlet. We got down there and it stank. It was really early in the morning and the sun was coming up and people were coming down to this place and lining up and waiting for us. We didn't realise what they were waiting for, but the inlet was the toilet. It was tough.
Okay, you're about to be executed. Last meal, last video, last piece of music?
Fucking hell. A steak and egg sandwich, that's a goody. A video? My Life As a Dog or To Kill a Mockingbird. Music? That's kind of tricky because it's a mood thing. Mahler's Ninth or something by Nirvana. That would be a good way to go out.